Be mothers and fathers

Why Parents Don't Let Their Children Go To Other Children's Homes


My little daughter is about to turn 5 years old and at home we have a debate. Until now we had 'avoided' having a party for her birthday because she was too small and she didn't ask for it. But this year her classmates are inviting her to some and she is demanding to celebrate her day. What I do? I have my doubts, because I do not want to create expectations that their colleagues will come if they do not later, and more after reading a study that affirms that 48% of parents do not let their children go to other children's houses to play. Why do they do it? I tell you!

I'm sure what I'm going to tell you has happened to you. The school year has already started after a few weeks of class, you find a birthday invitation in your child's backpack from a child you have never seen and about whom you do not know anything else what your daughter tells you with her rag mouth .

Then on whatsapp they put you in a group of mothers entitled 'Birthday Party' or 'Pajama Party' and checking the contacts you realize that you don't even know half of the members, but still you have to say if you daughter will or will not go to her classmate's birthday or to her friend's house. It sounds like an easy decision, but it isn't, at least for me and for the 881 parents who participated in the study conducted by researchers at the University of Michigan C. S. Mott Children's Hospital School of Children's Health.

What would you do with an invitation from a boy to your daughter that you know nothing about? Would you let it go, would you stay there, would you call the parents? Do you want to know what other parents would do? These data are very revealing.

- 22% of the parents would let the little one come to this appointment and they would leave, while 43% would stay with their child; on the other hand, another 22% would decline the invitation, while 12% are not entirely sure what they would do.

- What does this decision making depend on? Some parents argue that their child is very shy and finds it difficult to interact with strangers (17%), others the fact that there are pets in the other house drives them back (11%) and, finally, there are those who worry by the foods that there are, since their children have some food allergies or they have to follow a special diet (14%).

But since parents know that sooner or later they have to take that step of letting their children go to other friends' houses or to parties, they decide to act as' private detectives'. And this is how lMost parents confess that they would try to meet the other parents before the big day. They say they would try to find out more about them by asking friends / neighbors, looking at social networks, checking the other family's neighborhood, searching the internet, talking to the children's teacher and, some go further, and even find out if they have a history criminal.

But why are we so concerned if it is an 'innocent party'? We are afraid that the child will be left unsupervised at some point, that he is exposed to inappropriate language, that he ingests harmful substances, that he is injured or that he will eat food that we would not give him (there are more and more parents, among whom I I include, that we do not understand why on birthdays you have to offer such processed and sugary food).

Hence, many parents, before the big day, find out what the party will be like: if there will be monitors, what activities the children will do, if they can be present ... It is nothing strange and whoever says otherwise, is lying! Yes it is true that out of shame or because no one feels offended, parents do not get to ask any of this, even if we think about it.

Our children's hangouts with other children can be very beneficial for their development. Take note!

- Allows them to develop independence
They will feel that they are older and that they can be alone for some time.

- Gain experience interacting with other children in an unstructured environment
Children spend too much time at school subject to rules and regulations and it can be very useful to get out of their comfort zone and experience new experiences.

- Have fun with a friend
Through these types of activities, we can foster in the child the value and importance of having a close friend with whom to experience different emotions.

In addition, and here also parents can have advantages, we find a few hours of rest for ourselves or to dedicate them to the second of our children.

In some cases it is difficult, because perhaps we are too protective, but we cannot have our children always by our side and become what are known as helicopter parents, does that sound familiar? Parents who are deeply dedicated to their children and who, without realizing it, are causing them harm, since what they are doing is that through their attitude they prevent children from learning to make decisions, to solve problems, to assume responsibilities and to be independent.

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Video: Britains hidden childrens homes - BBC Newsnight (September 2020).