Although we are barely aware of it, we are the type of mother or the type of father that we currently are, because of the type of father or the type of mother we had. From our parents we inherit eye color, some values, some attitudes ... but also we have inherited some emotional wounds. We must do a reflection exercise to avoid transmitting all this, as well as its consequences, to children. In this way, we will avoid that our patients, at the same time, suffer some emotional scars that will affect their way of facing day to day.
'If you want to understand your parents more, have them talk about their own childhood; And if you listen with compassion, you will learn where their fears and rigid patterns come from. ' Louise Hay, American writer.
It seems to me an extraordinary way to start this article by talking about how are your parents and how they feel, to find out where some unresolved limiting beliefs, some fears or some unresolved emotional habits come to you.
And it is important, because either you stop to examine whether those beliefs and so on, that you have inherited, make sense to you today, or you have to start change them so that your child does not inherit them. Each of us is a collection of learned stories, beliefs, experiences, circumstances, knowledge and even behaviors that we have acquired throughout our lives. And it is that, childhood is our best period to absorb everything that happens, learn from what we see and even believe what we do not see but feel in our family environment. Everything adds up, and everything influences us.
For all this, the importance of reviewing (or rather reviewing ourselves) so that our children do not inherit what we do not like about ourselves, and on the other hand, to learn to accept what our parents offered and taught us.
'If your mother did not know how to love herself, or your father did not know how to love himself, it would be impossible for them to teach you how to love yourself. They were doing the best they could with what they had been taught as children, 'Louise Hay writes. If you are aware that you act the best you can at all times, it is time for you to transfer this thought to your parents. They also acted in the best possible way, giving you the best they had. And it is that, just as we inherit some 'bad' things from our parents, we also inherit the good things such as the ability to trust ourselves and value ourselves as we deserve.
It is true that you inherited some of your fears and bad habits from your parents, but is it worth repentance or reproach now? It is true that what they transmitted to you could have been different, however, it is not worth it that we dedicate our efforts to return to the past. They want to fight a losing battle. We cannot forget that things are the way they are and happened as they happened. The most intelligent and above all, what will offer you more peace will be accept as your parents are now, and with everything they gave you or not, in the past moment.
And of course, keep this learning in mind so as not to repeat words that you don't want your children to inherit. This also includes, of course, some behaviors that you would like to remain in the past and not be repeated.
I invite you to reflect on the consequences that certain emotional wounds inherited from your parents can create and that affect the way you act as a mother or father.
Some of them are:
- Lack of self-esteem.
- The terrible feeling of abandonment.
- Sadness, especially when we don't know how to deal with it. In general, not knowing how to manage our emotions can do us a lot of damage during childhood, but also when we are parents.
- Lack of self-love, which often results in a lack of self-confidence.
When, as parents, we do nothing to heal all these emotional wounds, we run the risk of passing them on to our children. Or, at least, that they also suffer some of its consequences. So I can't help but wonder: What is your son or daughter absorbing?
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