There is only one reason to have children and it is for love. Love to your partner, to your relationship or because you have so much love, that in addition to giving it to you and yours (in this order), you can give love to a child. However, when things are not going too well within the marriage, there are those who decide to seek pregnancy to turn the relationship around. However, having a child doesn't save a relationship, never, although many parents (or future parents) want it.
Many couples believe that having a child is an excellent reason to save a relationship, and nothing is further from the truth. Loving is not an easy matter, although it may seem like it, it is about knowing yourself well enough to know the best you can give of yourself, and not many of us are at that point.
Loving a child is a lifelong task. Loving is. Therefore, we speak of unconditional love to our children. However, the love between the couple is sometimes not so simple, nor so unconditional. And this can lead to conflicts and problems. Having a child does not solve them, but the best way is to prepare before their birth to minimize the chances of collision.
Therefore, before having a child to try to save a relationship, I propose some requirements that we should all go through.
1. Ask ourselves the right questions
Before having a child, I would ask: Do you want to have a child? Or rather, the question to ask yourself is: Do you want to be a mother or father? Although it may seem the same, in reality it is not. And there are different nuances that can make a big difference; Another way of asking would be: Do you want to want? or do you want to breed? Take some time to think about it before you take the step of looking for a baby.
2. Make a list about the education and upbringing we want
Another thing I would do would be to put a list of things, on paper, that must happen, YES or YES, in the education of the child you want to have. It is a document where, in a clear and concise way, the parents will specify the values to be transmitted, the wishes for the relationship with the child, the way to manage emotions, conflicts, etc. It seems crazy, but I already tell you, that this work, if it is spoken in pairs, or at least thought, will avoid many problems.
3. Agree on how you will react when there is a problem between the parents
And I would not only make one document, but two. Because I also think it would be important to have a list of issues to take into account, when parents do not agree on what they want to convey to their child or in situations that give rise to conflict and parents do not agree on the Way of acting.
As I say, it seems like an easy task, and it is true that some parents have these skills naturally, however, there are others who have to learn. If you can anticipate possible events or situations that may give rise to a conflict, the easier it will be to monitor your child's development and growth.
So from now on, find moments as a couple to perform all possible lists or protocols to continue to try to have a good set of tools and resources that facilitate coexistence and family well-being.
To my friends who are parents, I ask: 'If you were born again, would you have children?' And not everyone answers 'yes'. There must be a reason…
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