As our children get older and enter preadolescence and adolescence, they begin to experience changes, not only on a physical level, but also on a psychological and social level. One of them, which becomes more evident, is that they begin to value their private life and privacy more. This new situation makes parents feel a bit out of place. What does your role have to be now? What I am clear about is that these are the 5 errors that, in my opinion, you can't afford as the parent of a teenager.
As parents we enter a 'dangerous' border. Until this moment, we were the ones who had controlled any aspect of their lives and we have been the ones who have authorized any of their actions. When faced with this new situation, in which our son is already a pre-adolescent or adolescent, the logical thing is to want to know more about his 'new' life: what new friends do they have, what do they do, where do these sudden new hobbies come from, what does this new language they incorporate ...
Generally, it is at this point that they begin to moments of discord and conflict appear, since the adolescent is going to fight to have his intimacy and privacy respected. At this point, I think these are some of the things we should not do to our children:
1. Forget the name of your best friends
Forgetting the names of best friends is a very serious offense, but very common among parents. When this happens, our children get upset (rightly so) because they feel inattention or disrespect. For them, at this stage, friends are "almost" the most important thing in the world. Their 'important things', such as best friends, must be important to us.
2. Ask your friends 'material' questions
What do their parents do, where do they live, what are their possessions ... I am referring to material questions, that is, questions that can make both our children's friends and our own children feel intimidated, their privacy invaded. As a result, mistrust is sometimes generated.
3. Ask friends for notes
Because of how they have been, about what they will do in the future if they have passed, compare them with other courses, with other students or with other children ... These are one of the most frequent questions we adults ask when we talk with our friends. children, but they make them feel pretty bad.
4. Criticize our children in front of their friends
Or the other way around, that is, praising our children in front of their friends. Whichever direction it is, in both cases it is terribly wrong and can cause you embarrassment.
5. Ask friends if they have boyfriends or girlfriends
Parents ask this very common question because it gives us the feeling that we empathize more and get closer to them, however, it really takes us further away. First, because it directly invades their privacy and intimacy, and second, because the relationships between adolescents today are not at all similar to those we had at their age. The type of relationship and communication is changing and we must rise to the occasion. Terms like 'boyfriend or girlfriend', 'dating', 'courtship', etc. they are not in your vocabulary.
These guidelines will help you have a good relationship with your tweens and teens. I would only add one more: respect your privacy and not read your messages, emails, etc. (beyond the logical supervision of mobiles).
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