Have your children thrown a tantrum? Do you know what they are for and Why is it good for children to have tantrums? Do you want to make them go down? In this post, you will understand why it is evolutionarily natural and inevitable, also why it is important for your children to throw tantrums on you and what questions to ask so that they can stop and think and have more self-control.
Through tantrums, your little one tests his limits and yours, in addition to knowing the limits of his environment. Tantrums are the first conscious way of communicating, expressing how you feel and what you need, even though it is in this terrible way to enforce the decisions you have made. Even if you don't like it, it is such a direct way of communicating that it leaves no room for doubts about what he wants. On many occasions you will also use them when something has caused you frustration.
Remember that no one in their right mind, least of all the little ones, gets up in the morning with the need to hurt and hurt someone. Just ask yourself, 'When was the last time you got out of bed thinking you were going to hurt the people you love?'
The same thing happens to your son, when he throws a tantrum he doesn't do it because he got up thinking…. 'Today at home with mom and dad I'm going to create hell.' When you throw a tantrum, it is because he is expressing himself and communicating in the way that he has been able.
That is when it is up to us as educators to have emotional tools that allow us to manage this annoying situation for you and for them. Having these resources will help you grow together with your little one to get to know you and get to know him better. With each tantrum you will develop your patience, self-control, ability to listen, in short, your ability to be firm and know how to always set limits from respect and love.
They last between 3 and 5 minutes, start between 18 months and 2 years, coinciding with the control of pee and poop and usually end around 4 years.
At this stage of toilet training is when you are going to have the most tantrums. On an emotional level, the same thing happens, because the parts of the brain that have to do with self-control have not yet developed. For this reason, sometimes you will be able to retain and control your anger by making a great effort of self-control. On the other hand, on other occasions, he will expel his emotions without modulating his reaction, much less what he causes outside emotionally in others.
Remember that your child has to work much harder to control himself and the more physically or mentally tired he is when he will lose control more easily. That is when the incredible Hulk will appear out of control that scares parents so much, just as he did as a baby to get things or to express that he needed something.
The good thing about the tantrum is that they 'express their needs to you', even if it is directly, explosively, clearly and without mercy. Many boys and girls engulf it in murderous rage against you, to make clear a decision they have made. Tantrums are healthy and necessary, so be concerned if your children do not get on you from time to time, because it means that they are not asserting their autonomy.
Think of tantrums as a very annoying way to show you that your child is clear about what he wants and that also has within itself the courage and energy to defend it, whoever falls. Put another way: 'If I cry ... can I make things change? I run my life! ' Just try to beat yourself and see if he can control you. But don't worry, as the child matures and develops they decrease in frequency and intensity. As they mature, they learn to modulate their impulses just like you do because you stop, think, make a decision, and then act more consciously.
When the tantrum occurs, your child has acted in action-reaction mode without stopping to think. Imagine that you did that of screaming directly at your boss, partner or friend to get something. Surely later you would regret having turned green like the Hulk and feel guilty about how you have behaved.
It is precisely that guilt that will help you learn after the tantrum, because once the moment of tension is over, your child can already reflect on what has happened. You can help him to think about what other possible ways of reacting or behaving existed if you ask him later: 'How did you feel when you were having that mess?', 'Do you think that was the best way to ask for things?', ' Could you have asked for things differently? ',' What have you learned? ' or 'How should you behave next time?'
These questions can be asked when the tantrum has passed and the Hulk's green face is gone. At that moment, when you have recovered your little one from the dark side, is when you can talk to him, always respecting his time and letting him respond. If you see that talking is difficult for him, you can ask him to draw and explain his drawing later.
By asking your child, you help him create a space for thinking. In this way, instead of remaining in a simple punishment or a scolding, you invite him to think and find more options so that he learns from the situation he has experienced. Remember that intelligence etymologically means 'to choose between'.
When you ask him, you help him learn, you allow him to connect with the feeling of guilt and with the subsequent repair. Remember the question I asked you at the beginning: 'When was the last time you got out of bed thinking you were going to hurt the people you love?' When asking and your little one connect with the feeling of guilt, also connect with the need to repair the damage created. This will help you stop and think instead of reacting without thinking the next time you feel engulfed in murderous rage. The bittersweet taste of guilt will help you stop thinking and control your anger. It will also help you make better decisions in the future to know how to behave and how to ask for things.
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