An issue that many parents have had to live with is the fact that there are seasons in which our children seem to enjoy more with the other parent, prefer it and even show a certain rejection of us. If that is your case, you should know that it is probably a stage that will end up passing. This time, in Guiainfantil.com we talk about why children prefer or love dad more than mom, or vice versa.
Even before the age of 2, the strongest attachment figure is normally the mother, both due to the biological characteristics of motherhood and the social structure that favors her being the one who spends more time with him. However, little by little the children begin to cut the umbilical cord, to expand her network of references and to accept in her a new and enriching relationship with the father.
From this moment on, the intensity of attachment to the mother or father may vary and there are no established rules for it or unique answers as to why it happens in each case. Many times it obviously depends on the parenting style that each one exercises, on the age, sex, the time they spend with each one, their character and yours, their interests, etc.
That he prefers to be with mom or dad all the time does not mean that he loves one or the other moreNor that it will always be like that, only that at that moment of its development it is more identified with either of the two.
If we have done our best to stay close to our children, there is no reason to feel sad, disappointed, or ousted by the other parent or to think that we are doing something wrong. Normally they are stages and you can be sure that your turn will come.
Obviously it is important to clarify that we cannot try to be in your top 1 of preferences if we do not follow a series of basic actions to earn that place:
1. Share the care we provide to our child.
2. Try to spend enough time with him and that this is of quality.
3. Show love and respect to our partner.
4. Get to know our son, listen to him, observe what he likes, what he enjoys and share his interests with him.
5. Actively participate in matters of discipline and decisions about their day to day.
6. Control our emotions, especially anger.
7. Get involved in everything that happens at home, at school, in sports, etc.
8. Openly show our affection.
9. Be consistent between what we say and what we do.
10. Be consistent, always react in the same way to similar circumstances.
11. Always set a good example.
Next we are going to detail some behaviors or reactions that we cannot have and others that we can to know how to act in case our son loves father more than mother, or the other way around.
What NOT to do:
- We should never take it personally that our child prefers the other spouse.
- Don't react negatively to your child's preferences, make him feel guilty, or blackmail him.
- Never rival our partner for our child's attention.
- Never try to get even in other ways like ignoring him, showing rejection or preference for another sibling or something else, etc.
- Do not try to win their affection through gifts and concessions.
What YES to do:
- The best we can do is stoically bear the period of our son's preference for his father or mother and be happy that they have a good bond.
- Act normally.
- Have patience.
- Not feel less important for it.
- Find new ways to strengthen our bond with him.
When you least expect it, it will come to you.
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