When our children lose their temper, yell, or frown, we get upset and react in a negative way. But, Did you know that it is good for children to get angry? We are going to analyze the mechanism of anger and observe this situation from a different perspective, since it is a way of defending themselves against different attacks and with it our children learn and develop resistance to frustration.
We are angry to see them angry, because we think that they do not know how to manage their emotions and that they exaggerate in their reactions, but we must bear in mind that they are not adults. Our sons and daughters do not have the tools that we have to face conflicts, not even your cerebral prefrontal cortex is mature to do so.
Really, if we think about it, we would also be upset if the minors never got angry, because we would wonder if they are so lazy that they don't care what happens around them or we would doubt their sensitivity. So, starting from the premise that they are children who are learning and who do not reason as we do, we must face their anger considering the following aspects:
They learn emotional intelligence
The little ones still do not know how to recognize what they are feeling, so it is important that we help them to recognize basic emotions such as joy, sadness, fear or anger. We can also help them with questions like: 'What's wrong with you?' or 'Why do you think your brother is crying?' It is essential that they learn to identify their own emotions and the emotions of others.
Practice active listening
When our sons and daughters get angry, they need to feel heard, but we must actively listen to them. We have to bend down, get at their eye level and put our full attention on their words, without interrupting them. It is good that we respond with fillers of the type well, I understand, mmm, I see, etc. so that they see that we are empathizing with their feelings. You have to be patient and let them express themselves freely.
They develop communication
Take advantage of his anger so that he learns to express his feelings and to communicate in all kinds of situations. It is important that they learn to dialogue calmly. To do this, tell him to relax and that it is better to tell things quietly, without screaming or crying.
They acquire skills
We do not expect minors to react like adults. They have no competencies to do so and are governed by immaturity and impulsiveness. Children have an opportunity when faced with anger to analyze the situation and learn to react in the next few occasions, know how to handle the matter and repair the damage caused or know how to ask for forgiveness. Let's give them the tools to do it.
They learn from us
If we manage the conflict in a calm way, our children will learn by imitating our reactions. Be calm, do not insult, threaten or lecture him. In a stressful situation this does not work. They are curled up in their tantrum and they don't react to anything. Run away from phrases like: Because I said so! It is better to try to understand why he has become like this and to try to breathe calmly and try to explain.
They prepare for real life
Anger helps children to defend their own interests and to establish the concept of justice. They will learn to express their criteria and opinions. But teach them that they should do it assertively, that is, defending their position, but respecting the other's vision and avoiding damaging their feelings. This way of reacting will help them to strengthen relationships with people around them.
No small reason
In truth, what for us may be a trifle, for them may be the reason why they want the world to end. He thinks that for them the reason for their anger is totally justified. Don't downplay it, just offer them different solutions and alternatives. They will see for themselves that there is a way out.
They learn to set limits
Sometimes sons and daughters get upset with reason, because we have not fulfilled what we had promised them or for any other reason. Anger helps them prepare for frustration in life. They also learn to express displeasure when faced with something that does not seem right to them.
So keep in mind that anger is a tool for self-defense, learning, and personal growth. You just have to guide them so that they learn to handle conflict situations with calm and respect for others.
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