'Don't jump on the couch', 'Don't put your feet on the table', 'Don't put so much food in your mouth'. The word NO is the word that I use the most, despite myself, in my vocabulary, especially when I'm at home with my daughters. And I don't like it, because I have the feeling that as I walk through the door, I become a dictator rather than a happy mother to be with her little ones. Maybe that's why I'm doing an experiment that consists of educate children without prohibiting anything or saying no. I have just started, but if you want to accompany me, I will tell you my mother tricks to achieve it.
First of all, I have to say yes, that you can educate children without prohibiting anything or without having to be all the time with the no in the mouth. Although yes, go ahead that it takes a lot of effort on the part of parents, because it means changing the way we address, think and express ourselves with them, but everything is practical!
Just as we prepare our bodies to arrive perfectly at the bikini operation each summer, why not train our minds to create an educational environment more inspired by the much acclaimed and recognized positive discipline? We started! For this I will put you different real situations that have happened to me and that can serve as inspiration.
1. Avoid fights between siblings
My daughters adore each other, but they also hate each other at times, and those times when they fight are the worst. The biggest bugger to the little one, she hits her and the mess has already arisen. What to do? Instead of shouting to the sky and saying that 'Don't hit your sister! Explain that if she does it at the end, the only thing that will get her is that she doesn't want to play with her and gets bored alone.
2. Improve the timing of the meal
You put the soup on the table, and instead of picking up the spoon to put it in their mouths, your daughters play with the noodles. Calm down, for this there is also a solution! With your best smile, you approach their side and tell them that it is time to eat and that if they want to play, as soon as they finish there are a lot of toys waiting for them.
3. The relationship with toys
They say that the little ones at home are more junk and in my case it is true. While my first daughter takes care of and pampers all her belongings, the second one destroys them from minute one. More than once, I have blurted out that 'Don't break that toy!', But for the next time I find myself in this situation, I will replace it with 'If you want to play with it again, take care of it!'
4. Enjoy leisure time
When a child's plans are changed, tragedy can occur! And it is that if the little one thinks that he is going to go to the park, but in the end the plan is to stay at home, the bad faces appear at the moment. In this case, you have to turn the tables. Change the 'We're not going to the park!' to 'How about we stay home playing?' Works!
5. Eat a healthy diet
Going to the supermarkets with the little ones is a temptation for them. Everywhere there are sweets, gummies or unhealthy snacks. In addition, they are strategically placed so that the child can take them without problem. Given that, there is nothing better than offering a healthier and more fun alternative: 'Do you want us to prepare a dessert or some cookies with fun molds when we get home?' Impossible to reject such a proposal!
6. Teach them how important their health is
'Don't walk around the house barefoot, you'll get cold!' I do not know how many times I have pronounced the happy phrase, but it seems that it enters them through one ear and leaves them through the other. How do I get them to understand that I am doing it for their good and why I don't want to spend one morning or another in their pediatrician's waiting room? Simply, explaining: 'I know you love to go barefoot, but you can get sick and having to stay in bed without being able to go down to the park!
7. Convey security, not fear
When I go to pick up my daughters at school, I realize that I am not the only one who is addicted to no. Some mothers even outgrow me and, from my point of view, can become overprotective over their children. And it is that we cannot be all the time saying to the child 'Do not run, you are going to fall' or 'Do not jump, you are going to hurt yourself', because what we achieve this way is to put fear in the child's body. The best thing is to warn him to be careful not to hurt himself, but nothing else.
8. Motivate them with studies
One of the first education and parenting books I read was 'Every Child Can Be Einstein' and I loved it, because what he was saying is that with the right motivation, any kid can be a genius. Hence, when your child is doing homework or comes home with notes and they are not good (or not as good as you would like), lower your expectations, change your speech from 'You don't think!' or 'You don't study!' and encourage him to achieve it and that he is counting on you for it.
After the examples I have given you, you have realized that positive education can bring more good things out of your child than negative, right? However, in case there is any doubt, here are some of the consequences for the little one of constantly using in non-parenting:
- will be frustrated
You will be so used to hearing no, that when you want to ask for something, you will think you already know the answer.
- Your self-esteem will drop
If we use no all the time, the little one will believe that everything is wrong and that will affect the development of his personality.
- He will distance himself from you
A distorted image of his father and mother will be made in his head, an idea that he will not like and that will cause him to distance himself from you.
- It will confuse the meaning of the word no
It may happen that, in the end, the child finds it difficult to discern what is right or what is wrong, because for him everything is not. Be very careful with this!
- You will lose motivation
If everything you do is wrong and everything is a no, why strive? Let's change this!
- He will be angry all the time
And irritable, and it is that in the home environment it will be so negative, that it will stick, and you will all be in anger mode.
In the end, the child will not know what I can or cannot do and that will make him unable to develop his autonomy and have a bad dependency relationship with you.
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