Attachment is necessary for survival and development. It is an affective bond that involves talking about love, security, need for contact, trust, union and dependency? Some parents often wonder whether to build an overly attached relationship with children and babies is detrimental to their upbringing. However, it is not a question of how much attachment we give our children, but this secure attachment.
When talking about attachment, the word 'dependency' often comes up. When we speak of 'dependency' we refer to the need for someone to be next to the child so that he can discover the things that surround him. Let there be a companion. Knowing that there cannot be an absolute dependence of the child towards that figure since one of the basic mistakes in education could be made: overprotection. If this happens, ehe child will not be able to develop the autonomy that is supposed.
In order for this not to happen, the parents, being the child's main attachment figures, must have a great mediating capacity to provide the child with greater or lesser emotional security that will be essential for the proper development of their personality and independence.
That ability of parents to give the 'answers' that the child needs will determine their safety or anxiety. In this way:
- If the parents are successful in this endeavor, the little one will feel accepted and protected. From that moment on, the child will explore the world with the security necessary to acquire the necessary capacities for the future.
- If the answers are not positive, the child will lack a basic tool to be able to manage in the social relationships that will accompany you throughout your life.
The type of bond that children develop depends on the way in which parents approach them from the moment they are born: knowing them, discovering them, taking care of them more and more.
To find out what types of attachment styles exist we look at the experiment called: 'The strange situation' directed by Mary Ainsworth, where it was about putting the child under a situation of certain tension. This is the most common standardized way to appreciate the type of attachment that little ones have with their caregivers. In this way, we can appreciate:
- The secure link
Parents are the foundation of security when the child is distressed. They are sensitive to the needs of the little one, and for this reason the child has the confidence that their attachment figures will be available and will respond to adversity.
Confidence prevails despite doubts and discomfort. Children who experience this type of bond during the first year express more positive affections and less aggressive and avoidant behaviors towards other less-known adults than those who are insecure.
- The insecure style
The child shows an apparent disinterest and detachment in the presence of their caregivers during periods of distress: they do not mind separating from their parents. If this type of bond occurs during the baby's first year of life, the child experiences little confidence in being helped and prefers to stay away from others. Trust in the link has been lost or could not be restored optimally. The child ignores the main caregiver figure when present.
- The ambivalent anxious bond (disoriented), which would also be insecure
Respond to separation with intense distress and mix attachment behaviors with expressions of anger, protest, and resistance. When the attachment figure appears after the separation, the child does not approach, feels confused and disoriented.
When we talk about a natural and desirable attachment bond that is good for the development and survival of the child we refer to the secure attachment style. Therefore, we will have to put aside the so-called anxious attachment that only causes suffering and insecurity.
In this way, it does not depend so much on how much attachment we have with our children (that this is too much or insufficient) and yes of the quality in the bond of attachment that is formed between parents and children. Hence, we have to always foster the kind of secure attachment to help our children grow up happily.
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