When a child is always chosen last to form a group or team

It is very common that in school, the child may feel excluded when doing teamwork, since the last is always chosen or it has to be the teacher who includes them in these group, sports and social activities. This situation often generates feelings of rejection, sadness and demotivation in these children because they think that no one wants to share with them.

This can lead to future academic problems, social isolation, and difficulties expressing emotions and socializing. Therefore, although it is a regular situation, it must be attended to as soon as it occurs.

Children are carried away by their emotions and see the world through them. That is, they are mostly attracted to what is 'most beautiful and tasty', and these are the criteria they follow to make decisions. That is why, when choosing the companions they want in their work group or soccer team, they let themselves be carried away by those they like the most. It is not a question that they are evil (or that they want to annoy children who do not choose), but that selfishness and superficiality predominate over them, especially, on their reasoning ability due to the childhood stage in which they are.

And the result is that it is often the same children who are left out of groups or teams all the time. Sometimes it is the physically weaker children, other times the ones with a different personality, etc.

Sigmun Freud explained that in young children (generally up to the age of 7 years) 'the id' predominates, that is, your unconscious desires and the need to fulfill them no matter what else. Until they reach the stage of latency, where the weight of the 'Superego' begins to settle in them, through the values ​​and responsibility taught by parents and teachers.

Some parents of children who are commonly chosen last, underestimate the importance of children having friends to share, both at school and in their social environment and believe that the best solution in these cases is simply to leave the situation at that and isolate more to children. But this can cause the same consequences mentioned above, in addition to further strengthen mistrust and selfishness in the future of interpersonal relationships.

Friendships in childhood are extremely significant, since through them can develop social values ​​and skillslike empathy, respect, acceptance, patience, independence, trust. They also learn about those things that are good and bad for themselves and for others, such as discrimination, dependency, self-expression, acceptance of themselves and others.

Some of these values ​​and teachings are not fully learned with the family or with teachers, as they can be instilled theoretically, but practice is usually always with those friends who become confidants, accomplices and family.

If your son is usually one of those who are chosen last and this causes him sadness, here are some tips with which you can help him.

1. Help you understand the situation
Always explain to the children why they are not chosen first in the groups, but more importantly, why this should not discourage them from future group activities. Take your time, sit down with your little one, talk about the differences in tastes of each person and that the best thing they can do is collaborate, do a good job and have a positive attitude so that everyone can see how valuable you are. It is about fostering empathy and making him see that the partner who was doing the group had to choose only a few people.

2. To form the autonomy of the child
An important point is to emphasize that your son or daughter is not to blame for this situation and that there is nothing wrong with being chosen last. A good solution to this may be that you encourage their autonomy so that they ask the teacher to be the group leader.

3. Generate interaction between your child and his friends
Another good solution is to organize days where your child's classmates meet at your house to play or hang out, in this way they can share, get to know each other better and generate inclusions within the classroom.

4. Talk to the teachers
If it is a recurring situation, it is imperative to talk with the teachers about it, so that together they generate inclusion activities in the classroom. Such as games where the teams are random, works in pairs and trios, giving him the opportunity to lead or sharing activities.

5. Extracurricular activities
Another good recommendation to strengthen both social and interaction skills and learn new skills is enrolling your children in extracurricular activities, on something that attracts them. Where they do not feel pressured in the school environment.

The idea is always to highlight the best characteristics of children and never make them change to please others, make them always have a positive attitude, but also claim injustices on them, generate independence while reinforcing interaction skills.

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