The topic of limits often leads to debate and controversy in the field of education. When talking about this topic, our beliefs about our own limits and their benefit come into play, although we are also conditioned by our experiences as sons and daughters that we were and, even, we usually take into account close experiences of, for example, failed attempts at question of setting limits.
Well, here is the great news: all children need limits and rules to develop healthily and happily in all areas of their lives. In fact, it's about a need of the child's brain for our little ones to be happy. The most important thing about this is that the boundaries must be clear and have consistency and common sense. I also add, although I'm sure many of you already know it, that it is one of the most arduous tasks in our profession as mothers and fathers.
The Spanish neuropsychologist and doctor of psychology Álvaro Bilbao affirms that there is a whole region of the brain dedicated exclusively to setting limits, to enforce them and to help people tolerate the frustration of complying with them. In addition, he adds that this region, the prefrontal call (the one we place on our 'forehead'), is the most important to achieve happiness.
And it is that the prefrontal cortex is in charge, among other aspects, of:
- Work for the internalization of the rules
So much the house rules, those of the work, those of the school, those of a game, those of the supermarket or those of the traffic by highway.
- Enable self-control
It will be the prefrontal cortex that acts as a self-control filter so that our most primitive brain is not the one that acts, for example, hitting or breaking something when we are angry.
- Plan and organize tasks
For example, when you have to do homework, collect toys from the room, or prepare a birthday party.
Life, almost without realizing it, puts limits on us, for example, in the cart when we drive, and that is not negotiable under any circumstances. In the same way we must putting limits on our sons and daughters: consistently and without cravings on our part. That is, if television is not watched after dinner, then it will not be seen, even if the child is unbearable and for not hearing him put the TV on.
Limits should be set from the moment the baby is born. We must bear in mind that when the baby lives in its mother's gut, it does not have any kind of limit; he does not know them because there are none. However, once it is born, the rules begin and then the limits will come: He may have to wait a few minutes until the food can be given or until it can be changed, even if he protests being uncomfortable, even when he is caught he may want to throw himself on the floor or turn around but now is not the time and it will be the An adult who, with kindness and firmness (as positive discipline teaches us well) teaches him the limit.
Here are some tips to help you set the limits:
1. Do not delay in setting a limit if you consider that a behavior is inappropriate or you think it can occur.
2. Avoid, if you can, an action that you consider inappropriate. This can be more effective than correcting it afterwards.
3. The limits set are valid forever. Even if inappropriate behavior has apparently disappeared, it can reoccur.
4. There needs to be an agreement between the adults, that is, both parents or adults living in the home must be clear about the limits and comply with them.
5. Propose limits from the tranquility, that is, the limit is not set from rage or anger.
6. Always use the trust and affectionas they are what children need. The little ones should know that we are guiding them on the right path.
Moms and dads, don't be afraid to set limits. Well used they are necessary for the proper development of our sons and daughters.
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