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Calm children's tantrums according to Montessori without freaking out


The tantrums of the smallest of the house, what to say about them that we have not already said? They are a sign of the lack of tolerance for frustration, all children go through them to a greater or lesser extent and parents have many options and tools in our hands to help them and not make the situation even worse. Below you can read a series of tips to calm children's tantrums following the effective and respectful Montessori method. You do not want to miss it!

María Montessori, pedagogue, doctor, philosopher and great thinker of whom we have already spoken to you on some occasion, defended that you have to be next to the children to guide them on their path, always showing love and great respect. And he also said that each little one has to be given space to manipulate the objects around him, get to know and explore the world around him, learn from his own mistakes and at the same time allow him to talk about his feelings and emotions. Are not these the bases to manage the tantrums successfully?

The tantrums or tantrums are anger or frustration in its purest form for not achieving what you want, whether it is staying in the park a while longer or that toy you just saw in the window. But they are also conflicting emotions boys and girls feel that can end in uncontrolled crying or in a conversation with their parents in which the child's self-esteem is reinforced. So, let's see how to calm children's tantrums by following Montessori techniques.

1. Manage tantrums with respect

You may also be angry and tired but you have to understand that to accompany your children in their tantrums you must do it with respect. Perhaps at that moment when he does nothing but scream and get your attention, it will be difficult for you to understand why he is angry, this step will come later.

What you should NOT do at any time is yell, hold or scold him. It works? Two things basically, give them space to release that explosion of feelings and offer them a sincere hug. After a tantrum, the child notices that he has lost control and what can help him most to regain it is a hug from his parents full of love.

2. What do you need?

Obviously if the child is in full tantrum and you ask him this question, the answer will be more screaming and crying. Now if you say do you need a hug? Do you need to get out of the room? Do you need me to hold your hand? The answers can be yes or no with the head and this will give you a lot of ground to take the next step.

3. Why are you angry? It's time for a dialogue

Montessori believed that you can learn a lot from children if you listen to them and give them time to express what they need. Once the child has calmed down, it is time to talk to him and ask him short questions that he can easily answer, the goal is to find out the reason for his anger. 'Are you upset because I didn't buy you the toy?' 'are you tired?'. The next step is to clearly tell her that you understand her, but just because she feels this way is no reason for her to act that way.

4. Crouch down to be at their height

It is not easy for parents to deal with tantrums and it is not easy for children to go through them. The fact that the child screams and kicks sometimes makes the parent defensive, which is contradicted by the previous point. When you notice that your child is about to have a tantrum, crouch down, speak to him in a calm voice and tell him that if he wants to say something you will listen to him delighted.

I know it is easier said than done, especially if it is time to leave the house so as not to be late for work, but there are times when it is possible to avoid displeasing the child. Did you know that empathy calms the mind and body? When you see that you can't take it anymore, try to put yourself in your child's place.

5. Do not judge the emotion of your children

Getting angry, crying, and being sad or frustrated is not bad. It is about the child knowing how to communicate how he feels or what he wants without kicking, swearing or even hitting. Acknowledging feelings and giving each one the proper label helps young and old to regain control.

6. Anticipate tantrums

If you already know that your child throws a tantrum every time playtime in the park is over, it is best to anticipate and use your best cards. For example, give him the curfew that in five minutes he will have to leave the park and also tell him what you will do next, go home for dinner, read for a while ...

Tantrums are friends of fatigue and sleep, two factors to keep in mind, so you look for healthy distractions like playing something or looking at the landscape. The brain will relax and the tantrum will go away or at least decrease in intensity.

María Montessori stated that: 'The adult is a guide, the adult encourages learning and, above all, the adult is a model to be imitated and followed.' Now you know how to be an example of calm and support for your children.

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Video: How To Get Kids To Listen Without Yelling (September 2020).