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When parental expectations are children's obligations


The rush, stress, long working hours, and in general the rhythm of life that society imposes on us makes that many times Let's think more about what it is going to be than what it is. We have our eyes set on the future and this prevents us from enjoying the present. Living this way affects the way we parenting with our children. The ultimate goal of parents is that their children do well in the future. In this way it is normal that there are certain expectations of parents regarding their children and strive to transmit everything that can help them to facilitate their development.

However, those expectations can be a hindrance. This tends to happen most of the time. The hopes for the future that parents place in their children are the product of their own experiences in life, pressure from society and their ego. This does that expectations go from being a wish of parents to being an obligation for children. They become unrealistic goals and very difficult to achieve with respect to the capacities of the little ones.

When expectations are high they can create dissatisfaction problems and low self-esteem of children when they reach adulthood as they grow up feeling that they are far below what is expected of them. They think that in the eyes of their parents they must always be the best to receive approval.

These demands create a lot of internal tension in the child and generate a continuous feeling of failure for not being up to the situations that arise for him.

When the child 'lives' to satisfy the wishes of his parents, even if he does not want to do so, it can generate in him that he is unhappy and that there is a distance from them. On the other hand, if you do not, the child will feel guilty for not being able to please the adult.

Parents must have expectations for their children. In fact, children need their parents to expect things from them. Not expecting anything from the little ones only makes them not strive to comply with the basic rules of coexistence. So, it will be important that expectations are transmitted but that they are positive. To make this possible, parents are advised to:

1. Distance yourself from your own wishes and expectations
This will allow parents to 'look closely' at their children. Many times they care more about what their children will become than what they are in the present. Therefore, you must look at your children from what they are.

2. Contrast preconceptions
In this way you can get to know the child better and adjust the expectations that parents have. Thus, it is transmitted to the small trust within a climate far from the continuous demand.

3. Do not compare between siblings
Each child is different and develops at different rates.

4. Treat all children equally and with respect
Many times, we do not even stop to reflect on how we are treating our children and if we use a respectful educational model.

5. Motivate the child
Motivation will be key for the child to take action, move and develop.

That the child is motivated is essential so that the expectations that their parents have towards them do not become obligations.

Thus, the way in which parents motivate their children will influence their children's self-esteem and therefore their personality and how they will face life.

To achieve this, parents have to put all their efforts into:

- Teach the child to set goals. The more specific your goal, the easier it will be to achieve it.

- Teach the child to deal with challenges. How a great task can be accomplished step by step.

- Give praise when you deserve it.

- Emphasize your progress. Flag any improvements that indicate progress is being made.

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Video: Sadhgurus parenting tips to a modern mum. (September 2020).