Motherhood is one of the most beautiful experiences that a woman can live throughout her life, but at the same time, it is one of the most stressful and exhausting experiences. Children suck our energy until we are almost without strength and causing us to seek help from our partner or partner. What happens when the other party involved in this process does not respond to our requests? This is the desperate letter of a mother asking her husband for help with the children, A must read for all parents in the world!
Women around the world face an unequal workload in their homes, which is amplified when they become mothers. Along with their new parental duties, many moms take on the burden of household chores with little or no help from their partner.
Tired of doing more than her share, an American mother wrote a letter to her husband asking for more help, more help around the house. Her name is Celeste, but they could perfectly be the words of Virginia, Eloísa, Vilma, Teresa or your own. I encourage you to read it carefully (it will serve as therapy!) And, above all, to invite your partner to also read it and both reflections.
The last night was hard for you. I asked you to watch the baby so I could go to bed early. The baby was crying. Crying, really. I could hear it from upstairs and my stomach knotted from the sound, wondering if I should go down there and relieve you or just shut the door so I could desperately sleep. I chose the latter. You walked into the room 20 minutes later, with the baby crying uncontrollably. You placed the baby in the crib and gently pushed the crib a few inches closer to my side of the bed, a clear gesture that you had finished your task. '
'I wanted to yell at you. He wanted to start an epic fight right then and there. I had been with the baby and our other son all day, they were sick! I was going to wake up after a while to nurse him all damn night. The least you could have done is hold him for a couple hours at night so he could try to sleep. Just a few hours of sleep, was that too much to ask?
'I know we both watched our fathers fulfill the typical roles of mother and father as we grew up. Our two mothers were the main caregivers and our fathers were relatively hands-free. They were great dads, but they weren't expected to spend a significant amount of time changing diapers, feeding and nursing, and caring for the children. Our mothers were the super-women who maintained the family dynamic: cooking, cleaning, and raising children. Any help from dad was welcome, but unexpected. '
'Every day we see ourselves fall into these family dynamics. My responsibility to feed the family, keep the house clean and take care of the children is assumed, even when I return to work. I blame myself for most of it too. I have set the precedent that I can do it. And I really want to. Don't be offended, but I'm not sure I want to know what a week's dinner would be like with you at the helm. '
'I also see my friends and other moms doing everything and doing it well. I know you see it too. If they can handle it, and if our mothers did so well for us, why can't I? I do not know. Maybe our friends are playing the part in public and fighting in secret. Maybe our mothers suffered in silence for years and now, thirty years later, they just don't remember how difficult it was. Or maybe, and this is something I tell myself every day, I'm just not as qualified for the job as everyone else. And as much as it shudders me just thinking about it, I'm going to say it: I need more help. '
In the morning, I need you to prepare our child so that I can take care of the baby and get on with everyone's lunches and have a cup of coffee. And no, preparing the child does not mean dropping him in front of the television. It means making sure he goes to the bathroom, eating him breakfast, seeing if he wants water, and packing his backpack for school. '
At night, I need an hour to decompress in bed, knowing that our little boy is asleep in his room and that the baby is in your care. I know it's hard to hear the baby cry. Trust me, I know, because I see it most of the day and I can do it at night, but please. I need you'.
'On the weekends I need more breaks. Times when I can leave the house alone and feel like a normal person. Even if it's just a walk down the block or a visit to the grocery store. And some days that I've scheduled swim lessons and play dates, and it seems like I've got everything under control, I need you to volunteer to help me out. Or suggest that I go to bed during the children's naps. Or that you start putting the dishes away without my suggesting it. I need you'.
'By last, I need to hear that you are grateful for everything I do. I want to know that you notice that the clothes are ready and that I have prepared a good dinner. I want to know that you appreciate that I breastfeed all the time and express my milk when I'm at work, when formula feeding would be easier for me. I hope you realize that I never ask you to stay home after your events or sports activities. As a mom, it is assumed that I will be home all the time and will always be available to watch the children while you are away, and I build on that assumption by being home all the time. '
'I know that's not how our parents did it, and I hate even asking. I wish I could do it all and make it look effortless. And I wish I didn't need congratulations for doing the things that most people expect of a mother. But I wave a white flag and admit that I am human. I'm telling you how much I need you, and if I keep up with the pace that I've been, I'll break down. And that would hurt you, the children and our family. Because let's face it: you need me too. '
Do you feel reflected in this story? Have you experienced something similar? Perhaps you are lucky and in your house the distribution of tasks is very well defined and, above all, it is equitable for both. If not, you should sit down and talk, and communication is key to turning this situation around.
- Distribute household chores equally and, why not, taking into account your tastes and needs.
- If you still notice that he does not come out of it and that he does not comply with the established, tell him (always in a good tone) daily what he has to do.
- Explain that their role is very important in the education and upbringing of children.
- Tell him that the decision to have children was up to both of you, your son is 50% of each. You owe it to him!
- Avoid arguments and always speak in a conciliatory tone.
- Regarding school subjects, maybe you can divide! He is in the older's parent group, and you are in the youngest's. Or do it also for extracurricular activities.
- Talk about how you each feel. You are stressed, but maybe he feels marginalized. Empathizing with the other can be of great help!
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